Lonely

I started a story several years ago which was to be a part of a larger work entitled, "Not Alone." We are never alone, God is always with us, and it is rare that there are no other people around us, however that doesn't mean that we can't feel lonely. The time that I felt the most intensely lonely was the day that I went wedding shopping, alone. While I was planning my wedding, which took place in NYS, I lived in AR. My Maid of Honor, 2 of my bridesmaids, and my mother lived in NYS near where the wedding took place and my third bridesmaid as well as my mother-in-law lived in MN. It wasn't practical for them to be in AR when I went wedding dress shopping, and I knew that. At the same time, that is not something that should be done alone. Not only do you need the opinions of others, who know you, your personality and style but also that is just something that should be shared. I ended up going wedding dress shopping again in NYS, because I just couldn't do it alone. Close to 12 years later, I can still remember how I felt that day, and it wasn't how I wanted any part of my wedding or even the planning to be, and certainly not the marriage, either.

Story

Everyone has a story, including me, but that's not what I want to talk about tonight. No, tonight I want to talk about the story I am writing. I've been working on it for a long time, long enough for it to have made it through a couple of moves, a pregnancy and the birth of my son. It's still not ready yet, but it really is something that I want to finish, feel like I need to finish. It's a part of my big dream, the part that didn't include bringing my son into the world, which I accomplished May 1. But, it seems like I could use some encouragement these days and some time...some time that the baby isn't crying or needing to be fed, or changed, etc. It'll happen, I know, but in the mean time it's a little frustrating...without working, shouldn't I be able to get more done?

Grasp

This week has been a monumentous one for me, for both my husband and I. On Wednesday, my husband, who has been out of work since June, was offered a new job about an hour from where we live, which means at least it will be a short move, rather than a long, drawn-out state to state move that we have had in the past. The other news in even better, though, and something only God could orchestrate. I'm pregnant! This is often a great piece of news for a married couple, but if you know our story, it's even more amazing. If you go back and read http://nlpowers.blogspot.com/2012/05/infertility.html you'll see why. So, for now, I am just trying to grasp the concept that this is real and deny Satan the pleasure of stealing the joy of it with the worries of a first time mom who has longed for this time for so long.

Wide

"Deep and wide, deep and wide, there's a fountain flowing deep and wide..." You may or may not remember that song as a Sunday School favorite. I've sometimes learned that songs that I sang ALL THE TIME in SS, others did not, and vice-versa. So, I guess this word will force me to take a look at my own spiritual life and examine whether or not it truly is deep and wide? Does my faith permeate every decision that I make, and then take wings and reach out to others? If I am honest with myself, not as much as it should, I don't think.

I am comfortable talking about my faith, my co-workers know that I go to church, where I go to church, and that I help teach a kid's SS school class. I am comfortable practicing my faith, in small ways, at least. Most of the time this is recognized as simply "kindness." Not a bad thing, but anyone can be kind. And I don't want to be pushy, so I often wait for the right time, the right words, the right way to say, "You need Christ." Maybe that's a good thing. A Pastor friend of mine wrote on facebook this week, "Saying to a pre-Christian that they need Jesus is like saying to someone who doesn't yet know that they are diabetic that they need insulin." So, what do you think, is that an excuse, or a valid statement?

Change

Wow. If one words defines my life right now, it's change. But then, that's the word that defines my life every couple of years, it seems. I just got promoted at my job, so that's a change. My husband lost his, that's a change. The Senior and Worship Pastors at our church left for other ministry opportunities, that's a change. We are looking to move again, once my husband finds a new job, so that'll be a change. Yes, change is prevalent in my life; and while that is often on the forefront of my mind, I'm still mostly OK with it. There is only one reason for that: the God that I serve is unchanging. Everything around me, all of my circumstances may change, but God is still there, still guiding, still loving, and I still understand that although there is uncertainty, there is also hope.

Join

Have you ever been asked to join something you didn't think that you wanted to, only to find out that it made a profound, positive change in your life? Have you ever said yes to doing something, without even thinking about it? I have. Over 20 years ago, I said, "yes" to going to camp, the night before I was to leave. I didn't think about it, not even for a second, I was asked and before I knew what I was saying the word had left my mouth. Little did I know that that week I would join together not only with people of my own age and denomination for a week, but a much greater body that spans the world and time itself. I joined with the Body of Christ, not just for a week, but for my lifetime. God changed my heart, my mind, and gave me something more to live for, something more to be. For that I am ever thankful.

Here

I had a t-shirt that my best friend from high school's mom gave me that said, "Bloom where you're planted." It's sort of funny, because when I was in high school, and for the first two years afterward, I lived in the same small town that I had always lived in; a blue-collar city located on the Hudson River. However, since that time I've moved what sometimes seems like a hundred times (really it's been about 8). However, I have always tried to see the reason why I am here. What God has for me to both learn and contribute to the community that I am in. I try to always be content wherever here is, because I know there is a reason for it. God is good, and I am happy to be of His service, however He sees fit in the here and now.

Beyond

Everywhere I have ever lived has been called home, some of them still are, in a sense. I have a home in Kansas, a home in New York, and a home in Minnesota. They say home is where your heart is, or alternately, where you hang your hat. I'm not so sure about the hat thing, I don't tend to wear them, but I find my heart divided and I wonder why God can't let us settle someplace here on earth. I know that my home, really, truly, is not on this earth, but somewhere beyond here, in heaven. But I still wish, upon the same stars I have seen in every night sky, that we could be somewhere, nearly anywhere, for a long enough period of time to put down roots.

Enough

My husband was watching Rocky IV tonight, for what had to be the hundreth time. In it, Adrian (Rocky's wife) at one point yells at Rocky, "You can't win!" I have to say, that's a horrible thing for any spouse to say to their mate. I've heard it from mine, well, not that I couldn't win, but that I couldn't do something that I want, have nearly always wanted to do: write. Professionally. I have been through a half dozen of his job changes through the past 10 years we have been married, most of them not his choice, and each of which brought us to a new state. We are even currently looking for the next job, the next new place. But, no matter what the circumstances have been, we have always had enough.