Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Costs, part 2
Some of you may know that I want to be a mom, but that it hasn't happened, yet. I have faith that should God want to change this, He is more than capable of doing so. But, for now, my womb is still barren. There is a way that I probably could have had a baby in my arms now, but after much prayer about it, both my husband and I got the most distinct "no" God could have given us. My sisters, both of them actually, have volunteered to surrogate for us. My older sister has 2 daughters; my younger sister has a daughter and 3 sons, including the one she is currently about 6 months pregnant with. Both of them said that they would provide an egg and a womb to my husband and I so that we could have a child that looks like us, that we fully know the medical history of, etc. This child would be very much my child, I just wouldn't carry it or deliver it. My husband, amazingly, consented to think about it, pray about it. So, we did. Individually. Every time I brought this up with God, the story of Sarah and Abraham and Haggar and Ishmael and all the drama and hurt, all the problems that are still ensuing because of it immediately came to mind. The same happened for him. It was the wrong way for them, it was the wrong way for us. God said, "no." I do not know if the other part of that story will be true, whether God will someday open up my womb and allow me to have my own child(ren), or if He has another plan through which I will be a mom, but I know this: following Him will bring me the greatest happiness and peace, whether anyone ever calls me "mom" or not.