I went to church this morning after being up for over 24 consecutive hours and am writing roughly three hours after returning home with maybe a 15 minute nap in that time. I was alone, my husband was sleeping, as we got in at 4 AM from the drive-in movies. I never fell asleep so I went to church, confident that God kept me awake because He wanted me there. At some point during "worship" (i.e. singing) after we had done the shaking hands thing a young man slipped into the seat behind me. At the very beginning of the sermon, the Pastor asked us to get on our knees at our seats, something that is unusual in my experience, and asked that we really tune out all others around us and just focus on what God would have us do today. On my knees, I did ask God this, and the answer to my spirit was to ask the man behind you (now in front of me) what you can pray for him about. As this was coming to me, he let out a stifled sob. Well, no opportunity was given to get up and immediately talk to the man, without disturbing others, so I waited. Several times during the closing moments of the service, which ended how it began, with songs of worship, I felt the Spirit's leading to turn around and ask already, but I resisted, not wanting to disturb others. As soon as the last notes were played, before the benediction, I turned around to say something, but the man had already left. I looked for him in the foyer and in the parking lot, but alas, I did not find him.
I wanted to sing the last song, a song of praise and commitment to my Lord, that I cannot (sadly) think of the title of now, but the message was essentially that I would live my life to honor Him, that I would do as He led. The pitiful thing is, that by singing it rather than doing what He was leading me to do, I was, at that moment, a hypocrite. I was singing that I would do whatever He led me to do, in church, and yet ignoring Him to do so. Really? So, now I may forever wonder, what that man was/is struggling with. To be sure, I have prayed for him, several times, before and after I walked out of the building and I ask you to join me in doing so. I don't know his name, nor the situation, only that he is in need of prayer. God already knows the details. Also, pray for me, that I would not only be sensitive to the Lord's calling, but actually answer it as well. Thanks.
I struggle with this more than I care to admit, and I doubt I am alone. Paul said it best in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." It's not that I hate to worship, but that I hate to disobey and I don't think you can really call it worship (to God) if you are disobeying Him to do it, regardless of what it is you are saying or doing. Now, before I confuse you (and perhaps myself) any further, I shall sign-off and hopefully take another short nap. Please assure me that I am not alone in the comments...but more than that, pray for that young man, as I said before God knows the details. Thanks.
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